It Hardly Matters

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Quitting: A Timeline

We waited for a table. It was warm in there. The bar was full of people talking about their days, their plans. We said nothing. I sat on a barstool, you stood close. My fingers wrapped around your belt, pulling you a millimeter closer to me than you already were. You were nervous, but looked at me straight and steady. Trust, that confident snake, wedged itself into the crack in my heart. We ordered red wine. You kissed me. We ate arugula salads with sliced pears.

Every time you drove away, leaving me wrapped in covers, writhing, the crack widened. Eventually, after so much leaving, it spread to my whole chest and brain and imploded me. A person can only take so much leaving, you know.

I've quit you. I've never quit anything before, besides piano lessons when I was nine. Never thought I'd feel so good about quitting something. The snake is back in its hole, waiting for permission.

It's going to be a long wait.


  • for a second, i thought this was about quitting smoking and i got really excited for you.

    By Anonymous jason Justice, at 2:39 PM  

  • I know this post is from a bit ago, but as I looked through your blog I wanted to tell you that I think you are a truly talented writer.
    Keep it up and hang in there.
    My favorite line: "A person can only take so much leaving, you know."

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:26 PM  

  • Thank you, anonymous. Seriously, thank you. - mega

    By Blogger mega74, at 10:10 AM  

  • just when i thought i was starting to fill my own crack, this comes along. thanks for nothing...wait that sounds really bad. i didn't fill my own crack...well i crack in my heart.... forget it...i agree with anonymous. and i know your pain.

    By Anonymous jay nebraska, at 3:31 PM  

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